Agony Within
by reddawg82
Summary: Set after S4 E2. Angsty. Just a fair warning! One shot!


**I do not own Skins, or anything pertaining to the show. This fanfic is purely for fun and not for profit!**

**Feel free to leave a review!**

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I can't stop shaking. The room actually feels warm, which makes me realize that it has nothing to do with the temperature. My mind wanders to the good times, the times before everything got so fucked up. The tears in my eyes have long since dried up and I sit here in solitude, which isn't a good thing. My hands come up to try to rub against my bare upper arms but it does nothing to stop my body from trembling.

My head shakes. It just isn't possible that this has happened, not to me. I've always been good, the good twin. I didn't do anything to deserve this. Maybe that's why it all went to shit. Everything has just been _too_ good for _too_ long.

It's not like I can talk to Katie about any of this. She would just throw it all in my face saying that she told me that Naomi was no good for me.

Where did it all go wrong? I gave her everything. Every part of me, and she just… threw it all away, like it was a piece of rubbish.

I think it hurts more knowing that it was a girl that Naomi fucked, than if she were to have fucked a guy. In fact, I know it. Even if it would have been Cook, I could have understood because I simply don't have the same equipment as he does. I could rationalize that she just didn't really feel something for girls, but that's obviously not the case now, is it!?

Great, now I'm having full on conversations with myself. At least I'm keeping myself occupied as I wait in Naomi's flat for her to get home. We haven't really spoken in a couple of weeks. Sure, we're civil to each other, engaging in small talk, and we put on our best happily-in-love faces when we head to college, but if anyone actually watched, they would know something was wrong.

The touches aren't there like they use to be, and in fact, any contact results in both of us pulling away so quickly, you'd think we were touching dry ice. Maybe it is a little like touching dry ice, because the warmth just is no longer present.

Even my dad's little; 'I cheated on your mum once' speech did nothing for me. I suppose it did put some stuff into perspective, but it didn't help anything really.

Part of me just wants to hit her, scratch her, pull her hair, and curse at her, but I know I would never. Not to someone I love. Not to someone who jus tripped my bloody beating heart right out of my fucking chest. What right does she have to make me feel like this?

I also can't stand the fact that Sophia's family had the perception that Sophia, Naomi, and I were close mates. I had never even met her for fucks sake! That means that my girlfriend talked about me to Sophia, and that neither of them cared that Naomi was already spoken for. That causes a completely new hurt to course through my already broken and beaten mind.

I can feel my heart cracking all over again when I think of the book that Matt and I found that all but played everything out for me. Naomi didn't have the guts to do it, so I had to figure it all out from the flip book of a fucking dead girl.

My hands clench and relax over and over as I try to push down the rising anger. Bile starts to rise in my throat, and if I don't get this under control, I fear it will come all the way up. I attempt to take a drink of water, wishing desperately that there was something harder. Naomi and I finished the tequila during our 'Mexican' night, and beer or ale simply isn't strong enough.

So instead I stay sat there, my eyes staring ahead to a blank spot on the wall. I try to clear my mind of anything and everything, but of course that doesn't work. The moment I think I've succeeded in getting all the thoughts out of my head, they all come rushing back at me like a flood. The emotions flow behind it like an aftershock and I feel the burning sensation behind my eyes and a whole new headache starts coming on.

I don't know what to do. I only know that this can't keep going on. I either need to get over it or break it off, because it's not good for either of us. Not that I should particularly care how it affects Naomi, but of course I still do.

The door opens moments later and I don't even turn. I can already smell her scent and I take a deep breath. This is going to hurt… even more than it does right now. I stand and turn as she hovers in the hallway, waiting for me to say or do something. My face is blank, my voice is hoarse, and I stare right into the frightened blue eyes that I love so much.

"I'm leaving…"

Without packing anything, only grabbing my bag, I walk by her and out the door. I don't know where I'm going, but it can't be here.

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